Flashbacks

For some reason I am having flashbacks to my other lives. Thanksgiving seems to bring glimpses of the lives I have lived….some good, some disturbing….a writer could make these pondering  into a 4 book series–20’s, 30’s, 40’s and now midway through the 50’s!

I am grateful for every moment t it took to bring me to this glorious island, where I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams!

As I sit on the screen porch, watching the winter light emerge in the sky, feel the cool breeze, hear the birds awake–experiencing the magic of a Key West morning— thoughts go to the people and places that influenced me, hurt me and guided me along this path–people who I am not in contact with anymore, places I have left and will never return to, I ponder on how live is for those people in those places and wonder if our paths will ever cross—I have heard it said that if you sit still on this island, eventually everyone will pass you on the road in and out!

The baggage that was left behind, the emotional investments that were not returned, the financial losses, the personal items–things I thought I could never live without, all that is  left behind–takes its toll, and yet, I am alive still creating chapters in this recent book,  full of gratitude because I choose to believe God has a purpose — which I continually seek.

I wish I had stayed in one place, stayed in one relationship that would have developed roots, grown strong and developed branches of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren—for some reason those desires, no matter how strong did not materialize. Maybe my people chooser was not developed or the instincts needed make good choices were not strong enough–for what ever the reason, my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s have all been lived as separate books, now into the middle of the 50’s edition–with starts and endings that brought me to this spot.

One commitment has stayed constant, no matter what turn the relationships or financial investments took–marriage, step children, parents, in-laws, step grandchildren, boyfriends, business investments, houses purchased and sold—As each book ended and another one started…..

My commitment to Special Education–all the bad choices I made, the joys that tried to distract me, the brilliant ideas that caused me to look away, the self delusional moments, did not erase the deep-seated commitment in my heart to special needs youth.

This is not a bad place to be–in my mid 50’s, looking at 8 years left of a very satisfying and constructive teaching career. The blessings that my students have given me through the years have  come back to me 10 fold!

Gratitude for the privilege to experience the subtle and sometimes minuet  learning moments in each child’s life overwhelms me. Realization that I have been blessed with moments in the lives of my students that others will never see.

I am pondering starting another book—-going after my Doctorate Degree, putting my life’s work into a dissertation that will be my legacy. This is not societies norm–most folks leave a legacy in their families–children, grandchildren and marriages–mine will be in the world of academia–where I have grown deep roots, roots that hold a huge tree of children, young adults and their families.